Archive | July, 2013

Just feeling… off.

13 Jul

I’m feeling a little messed up.

On a positive note, we’ve started OT and speech therapy. I am really excited and I’ve seen and heard really good things during Lennon’s therapy sessions. We’ve only had two, but so far, so good. He gets really excited, and he communicates¬†his needs so much better/more. It’s awesome!!

On a not so positive note, I don’t know… I’m feeling kind of… off. I feel like somethings missing. I feel like I’m wasting away, I feel disconnected from my partner, I feel like a weird withered version of myself. I feel like this most often. Then, all of a sudden I’ll feel happy and positive. I am so up and down. It’s been hard. How do we parent when we don’t feel grounded? When we feel like we don’t know what will set us off emotionally?

I really need to talk to a professional or find some moms around here that are in similar situations. Preferably moms who are in similar situations, since we are stretched pretty thin right now financially with all of the therapies. I don’t know. I really don’t know where this is going, or where I wanted to go with this. I guess I am just having one of my down moments right now and I have to find ways to keep my emotions level. I feel like almost everyone around me has been pissing me off lately haha really, it’s not cool. I really hate feeling that way because no one is perfect, but I just can feel how selfish everyone is lately. I feel like it’s just in our nature as humans, I even feel selfish right now. I feel like I need something, like I’m missing something. I feel selfish thinking that. How many of you out there, I mean, how many special needs moms out there have time for serious hobbies? Do you ever feel really disconnected from yourself, if that makes sense? What do you do to feel fulfilled so you can be there for your family? I feel like, when I feel disconnected from myself and I am not meeting my personal needs, that I am not a very good mom. That I lose that happiness that spreads to everyone around me, you know? I don’t know haha I feel like I keep saying that during this post, but I am just throwing thoughts out into the universe, not knowing if anyone really knows what I’m talking about, or if they even really care. I better stop now. This is all over the place. Hopefully the next time I check in with everyone, things will be a little bit better.

P.S. When I talk about hobbies and what not, I’m talking about art. I used to love to draw, paint, sketch, etc. Here’s something I did the other day. I love the Paper App for the Ipad. This is just a bird doodle I did a few days ago.

Bird sketch- Paper App for Ipad

Bird sketch Paper App for Ipad