Forgiveness.

1 Apr

How do you forgive? How do you forgive someone who impacted your life in a negative way when you were young and you are still trying to recover? How do you forgive someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally but you felt their love was conditional? 

Do you tell them so many years later that you feel this way? I just don’t know if i’m doing the wrong thing. That maybe I should try and let these feelings go without telling these very important people that they hurt me so badly that I can’t function like a normal human being and just go to the store without wondering if people are thinking… things. I mean, should you really just let someone off the hook if they’ve impacted your life in this way? What do they even say for themselves like 14 years later? Do they deny it? How will that make me feel if they do, even worse? I realize this whole post is in question form haha but really. I just can’t stop thinking about these things. That the two people who were supposed to love me and care for me more than anything made me feel like this object, well then how am I supposed to trust anyone else who I ever come in contact with? How will any other human being ever think of me in a good way if the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally judged me so harshly? I want to stop thinking about these things. Maybe I should just let them go, apology or not. That’s hard for me to think about though, that feels wrong… or maybe my thought process is completely wrong.

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2 Responses to “Forgiveness.”

  1. mrasperger April 5, 2013 at 9:46 pm #

    I’m sorry you were let down in such a fundamental way. It sounds like you are talking about your parents, you are supposed to take care of you and it is such a travesty when they are not up to the task. There are many bad parents out there, but despite that, it seems you turned out less messed up which is good!! =)

    • eml2187 April 7, 2013 at 2:51 am #

      Haha thanks! I am lucky in a lot of ways, and my parents did a good job in some areas in my life and a horrible job in others. I think that building self confidence in your children is vital, and my parents definitely didn’t do that. They did the opposite. So now i’m pretty messed up from it and i’m trying to figure out what I can or should do to fix it. Thanks for saying you think I turned out alright though! (: You are so nice for saying that!!

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