Regrets.

16 Feb

I probably shouldn’t ever post anything late at night. After midnight, this girl is not posting anything, its like a gremlins thing, or not. Actually its nothing like gremlins. I just like gremlins. Ok…

Well I seem to regret about half of the things I post, I think its because this is really my only outlet, whoever is reading my blog well, they know a lot more about me than pretty much anyone else. I have some really really scary and sad thoughts and I guess that’s why I started blogging, because I thought if I got it out on here then maybe I wouldn’t be alone with these thoughts. Like I said before, I’m hoping awhile from now, and who knows how long it will be, that i’ll feel better. That L will have a mom that is all there or maybe that’s hoping for too much, maybe I’ll be more there than I am now. Anyway, I am completely open to any kind of advice anyone wants to give me. I would love to hear your stories especially if you have dealt with an autism diagnoses (if your child has been diagnosed with autism) or what led up to the autism diagnoses for your child. What process did you go though? How did you feel? How did you deal with your feelings? I would appreciate it so much. Seriously guys.

My email address is elehma01@baker.edu (hopefully its not a big no no to display your email address on your blog… oh well. Yay spam!)

I also want to clear something up. I am not this huge mopey creature that just blobs around and cries. Although that does sound pretty sexy… I am happy sometimes. I’m not anxious all the time. The last two years have been the most difficult of my life, but part of me is still here and that part of me still has a little bit of life left in it. I just don’t want to sound like I whine all the time, I don’t. J (my fiance) is the only person in my life that knows that much about how I feel, I don’t go to a therapist (hopefully that will change soon) and I don’t discuss my feelings with my friends or family. I have one or two times, i’ve called my mom crying, but what can they really do? So I don’t lay all of this shit on them all the time, I try to be ok. So I guess what i’m trying to say is this; this blog is my outlet and because it is my outlet, its going to sound horribly depressing sometimes. You have been warned. 

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